The Basement Files


Not exactly a labor of love

Happy belated Labor Day everyone. Now that you all have gotten through this short work week and are relaxing with a nice big mug of whatever, it’s time to settle back into that depressing routine of sleep, work and fretting about winter. You know, the stuff that makes us Minnesotans tick. That’s about as witty as I’m going to get this week, because, like all of you, I’m mailing it in because, hey, it’s a holiday week. So, time for some rapid-fire quips.

No more Morneau

Try to say the above phrase three times fast.
In the Twins continued their effort to make it impossible for me to watch a baseball game. Management, after teasing us earlier in the year, traded Justin Morneau to the Pittsburgh Pirates Saturday. While I’m upset as a Twins fan, as a Morneau fan, I’m kind of glad for the guy. He’s moving to a team that was in the position the Twins find themselves now, “the joke team.”
Unlike the Twins, however, Pirates’ management has done a wonderful job getting talent, and the team is a real threat to challenge for the National League pennant, but reach the World Series. Morneau is a class act, and although I hate to see him go, if he can get a World Series ring, then he needs to go for it and not look back. Because we, as Twins fan, might hate the way management runs the team, but we love our players, past and present.
I guarantee that if the Pirates reach the World Series, almost all of us are going to be flying that number 33 jolly-roger. Let’s be honest here too, he is a free agent after the season, and the Twins had little chance of re-signing him.

Kids are back in school

Bye kids, don’t let the door hit you in the butt on the way out. For parents, it’s time to relax. For those parents who aren’t the “stay-at-home” or “homemaker” variety, you’ll have to take a sick day to enjoy the quiet. Now that the little noise-makers are back to school, it provides you with the opportunity to get real important stuff done. You know, read a book, boot up the “kids’” video game system, stuff your face without worry about setting a bad example, watch a movie, catch up on a TV series on Netflix, and most importantly, take a nap in your favorite chair. Just remember to get dressed sometime after noon.

Rodman in North Korea

The “Rod-man” is back in North Korea. Good, stay there.

Leaves are leaving

Mother Nature still seems to be sore about that short story I did earlier in the summer, which, if you missed, you can look up online at or stroll right down to the office and pick up an older copy of the paper.
First, we wait months for summer to come. Then we wait for it to warm up. Then it warms up way, way too much. Then bam, right back in the 40s overnight. You have to ease us into these things.

You know what else is apparently fed up with the weather? Leaves. They aren’t turning this year, just falling. At least my hair has the consideration to turn gray (only one shade) before it falls out. I know the Farmer’s Almanac just came out and said it’s going to be a cold winter. A controversial prediction, I know, but I hope the trees don’t know something we don’t, because I don’t want to dig out all the winter equipment I finally put away just last month.

Chris Hamble is a freelance writer and humor columnist serving newspapers in Minnesota and Wisconsin, and is a lifelong Stillwater resident.