The Basement Files

April showers us with special days


Happy Burrito Day everyone. It’s one of my favorite days of the year now that I know it exists and I plan to celebrate accordingly. So you might want to stay out of ear (or nose) shot, because it’s bound to be not that pleasant.

That being said, you might find yourself needing some quick “bathroom reading” today and I’m happy to oblige. Fortunately, there is a lot going on in April, so let’s look at some more of the upcoming festivities.

Wednesday — Golfer’s Day

Yes, last year at this time you probably hit the links. Heck, I still have pictures of myself teeing off from March 10, 2012. This year, spring just doesn’t want to arrive. It will eventually, but until it does, Wednesday should serve as a great excuse to pull out your clubs, maybe hit a pro shop, or go to the local watering hole and spend $20 playing video golf. What better way to brighten up a Wednesday than getting your swing ready for summer? Other than, you know, actually going out to course.

April 14
There are several celebrations April 14 because someone must have thought they all sounded fun. To start, it’s national Pecan Day, one of my favorite snack foods. That is, if I can get to the can of mixed nuts before “someone else who knows who they are” digs through the entire can and eats all the pecans.

After you are done stuffing your face, go outside, because it’s also “Look Up at the Sky Day,” something I think a lot of you have done since the cosmos crashed down over Russia earlier this year. You never know what you might see, a bird, a plane, a meteor, a UFO? Who knows. Just take my advice and if you see a bird’s shadow on the ground, wait until it passes before you look up.

Then again, April 14 is also International Moment of Laughter Day, and there is nothing funnier than someone gawking at the sky and getting a face full of “bird bombs.”

April 17
This is “Blah-blah-blah” Day. It’s also national Cheese Ball Day. You wouldn’t think those two things go together, but have you ever tried explaining why you are eating five pounds of cheese balls to a family member while covered in a fine coating of cheese powder? You can’t, because your mouth is packed with cheese balls. But you know what you can say? “Blah-blah-blah.”

April 18
And finally, April 18 is one of the most important days on the calendar — “Newspaper Columnist Day.” It’s an awesome day where we shut-ins get a pittance of recognition for our hard work. In the middle of the night eating burritos while laughing uncontrollably and covered in cheese-ball dust.

And just for your information, or “FYI” as we say in “the biz,” the common gift includes a card, deodorant and a wad of cash.

Or maybe a hug. We are lonely folk you know.

Chris Hamble is a freelance writer and humor columnist serving newspapers in Minnesota and Wisconsin, and is a lifelong Stillwater resident.