The Basment Files: A March of celebrations


The Olympics are over, the polar vortex is back, and the I have so much snow on my deck that I’m convinced it will still be there come August. Good riddance February, I could hardly stand you! But now, here we are, going into my favorite month of the year! I may not get to go out on the golf course this year as I did in years past, but March is still a cause for many celebrations, not least of which is the beginning of MLB Spring Training, and the first signs of spring are just around the corner. So, what is there to do this month? Well, good thing I’m here to tell you.
March 1 — National Pig Day
No, it’s not about your mother-in-law, and shame on you for thinking it! Today is the day to celebrate the domesticated pig. An intelligent animal, pigs have been compared to dogs in level of intelligence and trainability, and to be honest, they can be pretty dang cute when they’re small. Unfortunately for the pig however, they are made of the tastiest stuff on earth. Call me heartless, but it doesn’t matter how cute you are, if you are made of bacon, I’m going to eat you.
March 4 — Hug a GI Day
Hey, you know those awesome folks in the armed services who sacrifice so you and I can live in the greatest country on earth? Today is the day that you should go out of your way and give them a big hug! They deserve it dag nabbit! Now, the other 364 days of the year, if you see a service member, from active duty to retired, give them a hearty handshake. Again, they deserve it, and they can really never be thanked enough for what they do.
March 7 — Employee Appreciation Day
Hey boss … tell me how good I am!
March 14 — Learn About Butterflies Day
This one is for you Mom. It’s a day to kick back, relax and learn all you can about our short-lived and vibrantly colored flutter-bugs. While they may not be out in March, there is reason to this madness. The reason is, it’s still cold outside, and you can get some “book learnin’” done in the comfort of your own home … in your pajamas. I was going to mention it’s also National Pi Day, but since it has nothing to do with the tasty treats it’s not even worth mentioning.
March 22 — National Goof-Off Day
This is every day for me, but for those of you with things like “responsibilities” and “lives,” it’s a day to do stupid things, sluff off and just take ‘er easy. Fortunately, this falls on a Saturday, so if you decide to spend half the afternoon building a pillow fort while watching cartoons, you won’t get fired for dereliction of duties … unless you work Saturdays at a pillow store, in that case you’re pretty much done for.
March 28 — Captain Awesome Day
This is the greatest day of the year. Only the most awesome-est of people are born on this day, and this day alone. If you know someone who has a birthday on this day, go out and buy them the most extravagant gift you can, because they deserve it. March 28 babies are the cream of the crop, spending every waking hour being totally awesome, and without that level of awesomeness, the world might descend into despair … We can’t have that can we? No! Fortunately there are people out there, Captain Awesomes, to keep it all together, and be totally awesome for everyone!

Chris Hamble is a freelance writer and humor columnist serving newspapers in Minnesota and Wisconsin and is a lifelong Stillwater resident.