Three days in the Porcelain Valley: A 1st-person narrative

Hamble

Hamble

Monday: Incubation

Well, it’s been a long night. The sun is coming up and it’s getting to be time for me to go to bed. This third-shifter is going to kick back and catch some “z’s.” I suppose I should get a bite to eat though, my stomach is grumbling something fierce! Don’t want to overdo it though, I’m tired enough as it is, if I add a food coma on top of it, I might sleep until Wednesday. What do we have here? Ramen? Sounds good … Ah, that hit the spot! Stomach’s still grumbling though, probably just because I’m tired, I really should get to bed.

Man, it’s cold up here. Stupid weather. Can’t really get comfortable either. Stupid gas. Why is ramen giving me gas? Probably swallowed too much air slurping down the broth … ugh, that’s it, I’m getting some Gas-X. Man it’s cold … got to get some sleep … some sleep … sleep …

AH! Turn up the heat why don’t ya? Wait? What time is it? Midnight! “Hey bro, did the Vikings win? Really? That bad?” ugh … I need to get up, but it’s so cold … uh-oh. Be right back …

 

Tuesday: Evacuation

I have no idea what time it is, or how I made it to the couch. Must have been sheer force of will. So cold … so thirsty … I can see you, mister water bottle. I can see you, but you need to stop moving so I can drink you. I need water, but I know what’s coming if I drink you. Alas, I cannot go on any farther, I need to drink! Ah! Is there anything as sweet as water to parched lips. So good … uh oh, gotta go!

I’m back on the couch. How? Give me some more of those blankets. I can’t focus. TV, I need TV. Oh, sweet mistress, gatekeeper to lands near, far and fantastical. You can help me keep my mind off things … horrible, horrible things that I cannot bring myself to mention, lest they arise again, and I fear my legs have no energy left to make it to my porcelain repository. I’m too cold though … NO! The remote! It dropped, and it rolled out of arms reach … It’s too far, I’m going to have to put up with this. It may be the fever talking, but that looks like a nice blender. Oh no, they’re showing food! Legs, I need you now more than ever!

 

Wednesday: Recuperation

Huh, what? It’s morning, and I can see! My color is returning and the profuse sweating has seemed to stop. It’s snowing and I don’t even care, the sun is up and so am I! Ugh! Well, things are still percolating a bit it seems, but at least I have my wits about me again. Let’s try some water, I think I can take it.

Ah! Refreshing! And things even seem to be behaving down there in the bowels of my, well, you know. Time to venture forth and retrieve the remote. I may not be back to full power yet, but at least I can move, and it’s time for “The Price Is Right.” It’s so nice to be able to focus again!

Time for some more water, back to the fridge! Hello there, what is this? Leftover spaghetti? Spaghetti is easy on the stomach right? Why wouldn’t it be? They’re just noodles …

Noodles made of rusty daggers! Why pasta! Why must you tempt me with your noodle-y goodness and meat sauciness! Away! Mighty calves! Carry me to the land of many thrones!

There, all better now. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice … is that the phone? “Hello? Chipotle? Yeah, I’m down.” I got to be empty by now anyway …

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