Minnesota nice, ice and vice



a, now this is winter. Bitter cold, stinging winds and a plethora of frozen boogers among other things. It was only what, a week ago, that all those California newscast videos went viral complaining, shivering and downright panicking about those “freezing 50-degree temperatures.” Babies? Oh yeah.

There were still people outside “ ’round these parts” who weren’t wearing hats. Hardcore? Oh yeah. Stupid? Definitely. But the point remains that we Minnesotans are a hearty people. And, for the most part, we’re pretty awesome.

So this week I feel like being a little more childish than usual and point out why we Minnesotans rule, and the rest of America can drool.

First, We’ve got all four major sports. Yup, we’ve got Major League baseball, the NBA, NFL and NHL. Plenty of teams to get behind, to cheer for and plenty of reasons to watch TV, eat buffalo wings and drink beer.

All year long there is something to watch (now that the NHL is back,) and Minnesota fans? We’re some of the best. Sure, there are fair-weather fans out there, but we stick by our teams, get behind them and root them on even when they really, really stink. Which is often, with a silent “T.”

But when they do win, boy do we party, because we’ve been there the whole time. Heck, when we finally win a Super Bowl, out in the year 2070 or so, it’s going to be crazy up in here.

We’re nice, darn it. Dang right we are. We say “please,” “thank you” and “excuse me.” We hold doors for people. We don’t go to the office when we’re sick. And we’ll pretend to like a “rival” sports team occasionally, just to get you out of our hair.

Sure, we’ll make fun of you for the rest of your life, talk smack and insult your intelligence just like everyone else. But we’ve at least got the social conscience to do it after we get back home with our loving families.

Klondike Kate. Enough said.

We can drive on ice.

Snow, ice, sleet, fog and Iowans, we know how to deal with all of them when it comes to driving. No 80-car pileups here when there is a dusting of snow. Commerce commences and we get on with everyday life. Oh, we’re getting an inch of snow? Great. We’ll moan and complain, but we’ll get on with it.

For all of you out of towners wondering how we do it? Well, take it slow, steady and, this one is important, turn your radio on. Why? So when you are screaming your head off at the “idiot in front of you,” you can at least pretend to be singing along with whatever the heck the kids are listening to today. It all sounds like screaming anyway.

There are plenty of other reasons, too, But to be perfectly honest, they all kind of come down to, “We’re the same as everyone else but just kind of pretend to be nice to your face” like the rest of the examples.

Actually, now that I think about it, are we really that nice then? Eh, sure, why not.

Chris Hamble is a freelance writer and humor columnist serving newspapers in Minnesota and Wisconsin, and is a lifelong Stillwater resident.