The Basement Files

What’s got everyone riled up?


I’m not one to write about overly controversial things, because, let’s face it, there are plenty of other people out there willing to yell at each other, and I’m bound to agree, at least partially, with one of them. With that said, I have to say, I think “Mother Nature” had a few too many cocktails recently. Seriously, she needs to make up her mind. Warm weather and sun, rain, then a freeze, then more warmth, then a deep freeze for this weekend. Make up your mind.
By the time I finally decide to break out my shorts, I step outside just to have all my (exceedingly luxurious, might I add) leg hair freeze and break off. It’s not a pleasant feeling to say the least. So, while my hair grows back, what else is going on ‘round these parts that might rile up the public?

A royal visit
Oh look, Prince is in town. Whoop-de-do. I’m sorry, I just don’t get the allure. If you like his music, fine. But I personally can’t stand the man.
I know, he’s “local.” But let’s get serious for a second here folks, “Purple Rain,” wasn’t that good. You like it, great, I don’t. There was just so much more music out there from the same era that was so much better. “90125” by Yes (featuring “Owner of a Lonely Heart,”) “Invisible Touch” by Genesis (featuring “Land of Confusion,”) and “The Other Side Of Life” by The Moody Blues (featuring “Wildest Dreams.”)
No, the 1980s was not the best decade for music. Heck, it’s one of the worst, but there are gems out there worth listening to. And if you like Prince, then go for it. I just happen to feel he’s a tad bit overrated, like Justin Beiber.

Swabbing the “poop” deck
File this one under the tabs “awesome,” and “I really didn’t need to know that.” But a local waste water treatment plant is transforming human waste into energy and fertilizer. Hey, if it’s safe, I say more power to you.
It’s this kind of fearless, iron-nosed enthusiasm this country lacks at the moment. I guess this gives new meaning to the words “green energy.” And would a fertilizer shortage be called a “brown out?”
I’ve got about a hundred more of these, but you know what, I’ll spare you the rest of them. They get a bit corny. So I’ll end with my vow, to help this plant in any way I can. Which means I’ve got to break my resolution and start eating more burritos again. But I don’t feel bad. My munching is actually helping people eat. It’s a beautiful cycle.

Gun control
I’m not getting into this one. Listen, I used to be a Democrat, then I used to be a Republican. Now I’m just bitter, and frankly, I like that one. I hate politics, but I like history, so I’ll leave you with a quote from a founding fathers on the issue, and leave the debates, name calling and the rest of that nonsense to the rest of you.
“A free people ought not only to be armed and disciplined, but they should have sufficient arms and ammunition to maintain a status of independence from any who might attempt to abuse them, which would include their own government.” — George Washington.

Chris Hamble is a freelance writer and humor columnist serving newspapers in Minnesota and Wisconsin, and is a lifelong Stillwater resident.