Welcome back winter, I missed you so. Sarcasm aside, it was below freezing for such a stretch I had to find warmer pants. What? Just because you want to go run about with a cold numb rear-end doesn’t mean I want to. But all this posterior pontificating aside, this is a very important week. It’s a week that, like most, comes every year. The week that falls after Thanksgiving Day and before December, a week that has been dubbed “the lost week.”
The history of “the lost week” dates back to a couple of days ago when I first hear the phrase and thought it was kind of cool. The idea is, after you gain back all the weight lost earlier in the year on Thanksgiving Day, you go nuts shopping on Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Selfish Sunday (you know, where you get sick of buying things for others and get something nice for yourself, because, you know, you are such a good person) and Cyber Monday. You have a sort of mental exhaustion from dealing with copious amounts of people and food, you just “shut off,” and forget about things until December starts. Then you have to start worrying about spending time with your family during whichever holiday you so choose to celebrate.
It’s awesome. A lost and forgotten week where I can do whatever I want, and it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things? I love this idea, even if it is a little bit insane. And let’s be honest here, even given an entire week to do things for yourself, you are going to waste it. I know I will, but at least it’s wasted on a week that no one remembers, and that, my friends, is the only thing that matters.
So, what to do, what to do, especially if it doesn’t matter and will be forgotten in the hectic, stressful, high blood-pressure inducing, life-shortening, family festivities during the rest of December. My best advice, other than not doing anything stupid and illegal, is do something purely for yourself. It’s not a cop-out, like some cheap self-help guru. I actually have a point, and it is this: be lazy.
“Me time” is awesome, and something that people seem to forget to do from time to time. “The lost week” is the perfect time to chill out. You don’t need to follow my plan, but this week, and upcoming weekend, I might not get out of my pajamas. Heck, I might not shave. I’m going to drink an entire case of diet soda (who needs the extra calories when all you want is the caffeine,) lots of coffee and stay up until the sun raises playing video games like the new Call of Duty on Xbox, and my shiny new Wii U, like I used to when I was a kid, or when I was unemployed, or last week. I might even venture out into the cold, set up my chair, and have a nice, big, stinky cigar, which I haven’t had in months (Kids need not apply on that one.)
But it does seem like I’m missing something. What am I forgetting? Powerball tickets. Got to run, the drawing is coming up and I need to retire. I’m almost 30 you know.
Chris Hamble is a freelance writer and humor columnist serving newspapers in Minnesota and Wisconsin, and is a lifelong Stillwater resident.