The Basement Files


Back in Black–Socks

My eyes are blurry, my hair is matted and I’m emitting quite a number of rather peculiar smells. This can only mean one thing? TV is back.

It’s been a long time, but I’m back watching everything that I’ve missed for the past year or so because of those mind-numbing political ads. In short, it’s been great. But it’s been a while


Kentucky City Council Race

OK, I know. I just said I was glad to be done with the political bloviating but this story, if you haven’t heard it, is worth telling simply because I find it hilarious. A guy named Robert McDonald, 27, was running for a seat in the Walton City Council in Kentucky. Good for him.  We need more young people taking interest in the political system, and getting out to make his community better. Well, after the ballots were counted, McDonald garnered 669 votes and so did his opponent. A tie in a small town isn’t uncommon. They even have a provision for it, a coin toss. This story would be quirky enough, but then McDonald realized his wife, Katie, didn’t vote. Uh-oh, I guess every vote does count.

While I thought this was funny in and of itself, it gets better. It turns out Robert’s wife is very busy, and on Election Day, finished work and took a nap, waking about 10 minutes from the time polls close in Kentucky. She could have made it to the polls in time from their home, but as it turns out, her husband, Robert, said not to worry since it “never comes down to just one vote.”

And now, because of that statement, it comes down to a coin toss. I love it. And look on the bright side. Those two have one heck of a story to tell their kids. It serves as a great lesson to actually get out and do your civic duty.


R.I.P. dear Twinkie


Good-bye old friend. The factory that makes the fluffy little sponge cakes is closing. After Hostess declared bankruptcy earlier in the year, we all knew this was a possibility. Now it really hits home. The Twinkie, the premier snack cake, the concentrated sponge of golden deliciousness (except the “diet” Twinkies, that tasted like concentrated Styrofoam logs), the one food source that was supposed to, according to urban legend, survive nuclear war and feed the millions of cockroaches that would roam the Earth, are leaving.

’Tis a sad day in America. It’s probably a good day for my waistline, but a sad day nonetheless.

Well, OK. So there weren’t that many things happening in the last week or so. Or at least that happened I could make fun of. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I find real news kind of a downer. Then again, that Twinkie revelation is a downer, too. But there is another golden light at the end of the tunnel. McDonalds is back in Stillwater. I need ketchup and salt, stat.


Chris Hamble is a freelance writer and humor columnist serving newspapers in Minnesota and Wisconsin, and is a lifelong Stillwater resident.