Why does the urban chicken cross the roundabout?
Its noon and far past my bedtime, so I’m warning you that I might be cranky. I’ve been told I get a little irritable when I don’t get my required 13 to 15 hours of sleep daily, so if I come off as a bit brash, sorry. It is what it is.
As usual, every few months or so there are some things I like to touch on, but none of them really qualify for a full-fledged column. That and I’ve had so much coffee in the last, oh, seven hours that I don’t think I could concentrate on one item for more than 30 seconds. So let’s get started, shall we?
I must say, my column last week got a good response both pro and con over social media, to www.stillwatergazette.com, and there seems to be no real middle ground on the debate. People are either completely for it, or, as in my case, completely opposed to it.
Both sides make good points. Some argue safety, which is fine. But they also say airplanes are safer than cars, and I say, if man were meant to fly, the big man upstairs would have given us wings, and given me a smaller rear end. So you will never see me on a plane. Others argue convenience, which is valid for yourself, but trust me when I say nobody cares about your convenience. Sorry, but it’s true.
Then I argued that a roundabout would be an all-out mess in winter when it becomes an issue for the plows. And that traffic will be a non-issue there when the new bridge is finished.
Of course, I think I’m right, but the real winner here is probably the only thing we all can agree on, the band “Yes.” Anything I can do to get the word out about the greatest progressive rock band of all time is totally worth it.
Really? I’m sorry, I’m not a judgemental person but how about a dog? Or a cat? Or a gerbil even? I didn’t really think this was a “thing,” and when I did, I thought someone was joking. Now, if you live on a farm, have a lot of land and a proper coop, I say go for it. Have your chickens.
But “urban chickens,” I just can’t understand it. Do you know what chickens do? They poop everywhere. In addition, when improperly cared for (which, let’s admit it folks, is going to happen should the town support this. Not from everyone, but it only takes one to get everyone sick,) they carry a bunch of diseases.
And worst of all, absolutely worst of all, they are loud. I’m up all night long, and when the sun comes up and I’m going off to bed, the last thing I need to hear is some clucking chickens. Then again, the “urban chickens” Facebook page currently has 99 “likes,” and as of the 2010 census, Stillwater is comprised of more than 18,000 residents, so that comes out to be roughly 0.5 percent of residents who support this idea, so it shouldn’t go forward and irritate, annoy and potentially make sick the other 99.5 percent of us right? Right?
I don’t know. If that’s your thing then, well, I just don’t get it, sorry. But I do have a question for you. If you are keeping these things as pets, do you feel guilty eating KFC? Which, sounds really, really good right now. So if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be off.
Chris Hamble is a freelance writer and humor columnist serving newspapers in Minnesota and Wisconsin, and is a lifelong Stillwater resident.